As a young man, it
seemed I could get away with anything with absolute impunity. I could clean my
plate at Grandma’s house, after a Thanksgiving feast, and still have room to
singlehandedly devour an entire pie. Back in college, my friends and I could order
several large pizzas and an entire pitcher of beer, and I’d match my cohort’s mug
for mug and leave the table with practically no assistance. Back in elementary school,
my buddies would consistently do detention for slipping a rubber snake in the
teacher’s desk or inadvertently penning an answer to their wrist prior to a
test, or the slightest infringement of acceptable scholastic behavior, and I
could disturb the entire class with antics that would disrupt the senate, and
almost inevitably wink at the teacher and come away unscathed. I seemed the exception
to almost every rule. Sadly it seems the test of time has expunged my
exemption. These days a sliver of mincemeat pie can bring on Narcolepsy, and my
very best efforts at marital bliss entirely discombobulate the Misses. It’s as
though she’s entirely immune to my boyish charm. SC
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