If you're truly prolife...

If you're truly prolife, you care that defenseless babies are being born into a world where not even their own mother wants them. If you're truly prolife, you don't hate struggling people because of their sexual insecurities. If you're truly prolife, you care that God's creatures are becoming extinct because of climate change. If you're truly prolife, you do justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. SC

Taking the side of evil, regardless of your motivation, has consequences. SC

Throughout history, honesty and integrity have been the goals and distinguishing characteristics of civilization. Doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God have been synonymous with the faithful pursuit of common decency and civilized society. Truth and common decency have been the accepted norm, while deceit, corruption, and a total disdain for justice have always been and must continually be universally recognized and unequivocally condemned by any society which feigns service to a just and merciful God. Civilization requires strict adherence to an unwavering pursuit of reality-based truth and an unconditional condemnation of naked lies, deliberate misinformation, and a brazen contempt for justice. There is no excuse for doing otherwise. Listen to your conscience. In your heart, people of faith know the difference. Feed the Shepard or feed the wolf. Taking the side of evil, regardless of your motivation, has consequences. SC

Old Dry Diggins, aka Hangtown | Facebook

 Old Dry Diggins, aka Hangtown | Facebook

A ruthless bastardization of the truth

Down through the eons of time, empires, dynasties, and eminent civilizations have achieved great heights, and then come down like the salmon leaves of autumn, brought low by the same troublesome human nature that has hobbled mankind since Cain cudgeled Abel. Learned philosophers and renowned historians have devoted their lives to the study of these events, producing ponderous, voluminous anthologies which grace the shelves of celebrated centers of higher learning all over the world. And today, when similar behavior threatens our own aspiring metropolis, we scratch our head and wring our hands and wonder what the hell happened. The modus operandi for these crimes against humanity have changed little through the ages. These failures of civilization are inevitably the result of misinformation, disinformation, and a ruthless bastardization of the truth. SC

PART THREE MIAH ON THE WATERFRONT

 

Jackass Journal & Compendium of Universal Knowledge

Episodes one through 9999, more or less

Unabridged, Unapologetic, Unsolicited,

& Unlikely to continue.

In no particular order

PART THREE

MIAH

ON THE WATERFRONT

Most mornings on the river were remarkably tranquil. I occasionally took my morning coffee in the pilot house with the captain. The captain was a cordial gentleman, and an exceptionally good listener, because, with the exception of shouting occasional orders to the crew, the captain rarely spoke. If I was quiet, he was quiet too.

I’d sit in the luxurious pilot house, high above common civilians and mortal man, delight in the commanding vantage point provided by its towering height and admire the pastel hues of breaking dawn. The majestic river’s stoic undulations would reveal their many unpredictable moods all around me in all variety of eddies, backwaters, and deceptively quiet undercurrents.

At intervals along the way, a lone bullfrog would voice his romantic intentions, or a snowy-white egret would glide effortlessly past on a blustery current of balmy, moist air. Every now and again a debris pile would bob past, commandeered by a drowsing, moss-covered turtle. Waterfowl searched peacefully for breakfast along the shaded and silt-lined shores, and way up ahead in the hazy, shimmering distance, the misty glimmers of daybreak would spread their warm, refreshing rays on a vast and varied rainbow of vibrant greens, announcing the glad arrival of a bright new day.

Other occasions were anything but quiet! 1832 marked the invention of the steam trumpet. Through the years, this remarkably melodious contraption was gradually improved and eventually known by other names, such as the steam calliope.

With the advent of steam power, calliopes became commonplace if not expected onboard riverboats and at circuses, where steam also provided power to steam-driven carousels. A calliope’s brass and copper whistles are tuned to a chromatic scale (anyway, that’s the goal). Since the pitch of the note is greatly affected by the temperature of the steam, which varies tremendously, tuning the thing is almost impossible! With time, the occasionally sour and frequently off-pitch caterwauling of the calliope became part of their wide appeal and universal charm. Our boat had a steam driven calliope!

Stops along riverside communities were frequent and anticipated with fervent delight. These occasions were always an event in the small, isolated river communities. Approaching the waterfront, the captain would blow the whistle, our calliope player would assume his position at the polished brass keyboard, and the river’s typical tranquility would be assaulted by a cacophony of melodious screeching and tinny toots! Our musician was a veritable cornucopia of popular music of the day. If we could hum it, he could peck it out.

Before we reached sight of the docks, the townsfolk would respond to the familiar squeals of the calliope and gather excitedly to greet us. The previously quiet mooring would take on all the serenity of an angry ant’s nest! Our experienced crew would assume their assigned tasks. The gangplank would swing out. Freight would be carted in and out; ropes would secure us to the wharf, and the town’s enchanted children would swarm the docks in the thralls of religious ecstasy. The boys especially; the girls, not so much.

Hannibal was a favorite stop. Here, the lazy river was wide, deep, and as inviting as bathwater. The shouted declaration of “mark twain” indicated that the water’s depth was sufficient to allow for the safe mooring of our craft. The familiar boatman’s term would eventually become the celebrated moniker of America’s master wordsmith, the beloved Samuel Langhorne Clemens, aka Mark Twain.

During my time on the Mississippi, little Sam would have been a number of years shy of sporting whiskers, and already infatuated with steamboats. Sam would grow up on the banks of the Mississippi near Hannibal, Missouri and freely admit to having burned with ambition to become a steamboat pilot. In “Life on The Mississippi”, Mark Twain would write the following:

“When I was a boy, there was but one permanent ambition among my comrades in our village on the west bank of the Mississippi River. That was, to be a steamboatman. We had transient ambitions of other sorts, but they were only transient. When a circus came and went, it left us all burning to become clowns; the first negro minstrel show that came to our section left us all suffering to try that kind of life; now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. These ambitions faded out, each in its turn; but the ambition to be a steamboatman always remained.”

During a few glorious years, between 1857 and 1861, Sam would realize his boyhood ambition of becoming a riverboat pilot. Then the Civil War would intervene, and Sam’s dream would go the way of many others. But the irresistible lure of the riverboat and its steady grip on youthful fancy would captivate the souls and imaginations of the young and young at heart for as long as the summer sun steals ambition, and the Mississippi flows inexorably toward the sea.

Copyright ©

Shannon Thomas Casebeer

Jackass Journal & Compendium of Universal Knowledge, Episodes one through 9999, more or less Unabridged, Unapologetic, Unsolicited, & Unlikely to continue. In no particular order

PART TWO

HANGTOWN BOUND

MIAH'S ACCOUNT

THE CUMBERLAND ROAD

In March of 1803, Ohio had entered the Union as the 17th state, and with the acquisition that same year of the Louisiana purchase from the French, the country added an additional five hundred and thirty million acres to our fledgling republic. That’s a bunch! Of course, much of that real-estate was already occupied by the country’s increasingly oppressed Native Americans, who had absolutely no intention of relinquishing their claim.

In order to access this acquisition, the country required a road. With most transportation needs at the time being met by canals and rivers, many considered roads an unnecessary luxury, not to mention an exorbitant tax expense. Despite these misgivings, in 1806, congress authorized the Cumberland Road. Stretching eventually from Cumberland, Maryland to Saint Louis, Missouri, it was the first road in our country’s history to be funded by the Federal government and our taxes. President Thomas Jefferson himself promoted the road in his efforts to encourage westward expansion and unify the developing nation.

The route was made possible as the result of a gap, or passage, through the Appalachian Mountain Range. The old trail, having been established long ago by herds of buffalo and the Native Americans who pursued them, was further established in 1775 by Daniel Boone. Mr. Boone had been contracted by the Transylvania Company to widen the path through the gap in order to expedite the settlement of Kentucky, Tennessee, and points west.

Following the battle of Culloden, back home in Scotland, numerous places in the American colonies, such as Cumberland Gap, were named for Prince William, Duke of Cumberland, son of King George II, of Great Britain. The sun never sets on the British Empire.

It was only about a hundred miles from Germantown to Cumberland, Maryland. From there, the Cumberland Road would provide my gateway west. Prior to 1810, its estimated that in excess of 200,000 European-American settlers passed through the gap enroot to Kentucky and the Ohio Valley. Autumn of 1835 found me retracing their steps.

Having set out with my doctor’s bag and a few medical supplies, it was soon apparent that, as an itinerant physician, my fledgling abilities would be a boon to every community I encountered. Having set broken bones and extracted throbbing teeth in a succession of aspiring outposts all along the Cumberland Road, winter found me hold up in the wilds of Illinois.

Founded in 1819, Vandalia, Illinois is a petite but prospering little settlement in Fayette County. Located on the banks of the Kaskaskia River, it’s located in south central Illinois, about 70 miles northeast of St. Louis, Missouri. It was, for a time, the western terminus of The Cumberland Road, aka The National Road. As such, considering its proximity to the frontier, it was a relatively busy and booming metropolis. It has at least one thing in common with every other community I’ve encountered. Almost everyone in the community was suffering from a bad tooth, a busted bone, or a hitch in their get-along. Here, in this isolated but enchanting metropolis, I honed my skills, earned a few bucks, and squirreled away provisions.

Come spring, I once more headed west. Having retired my old horse in Vandalia, I’d been making good time on my new mount for about a week. While at this point in my travels there was nothing that could be considered an improved road, the Indians had long established trails throughout the region. The trails were narrow and occasionally badly overgrown, but all things considered I made good time.

Cresting a hill, there before me, occupying a good deal of the landscape to both the north and south for as far as the eye could see, the wide and characteristically swollen Mississippi glimmered in pastel hues of sunset. Negotiating the rugged terrain and approaching the river, I heard the echoes of numerous axes diligently falling timber and chopping wood. There, at water’s edge, a number of black gentlemen busily loaded this product aboard a steamboat.

This being evening, the fragrance of food preparation wafted ashore, very nearly buckling my knees, and having subsisted for some time on a diet of scorched squirrel and charred grasshoppers, the prospect of life onboard a riverboat was irresistible. Visiting with the congenial black gentlemen, I finagled an invitation to come aboard.

The mere appearance of my medical bag proved to be sufficient to make me welcome everywhere I went. Within an hour, the riverboat’s captain was convinced my services aboard his vessel would be invaluable. My horse was escorted into the hold; my employment secured, the sternwheel began churning rhythmically, and we chugged our way laboriously up the river.

My time spent chugging and churning my way up the Mississippi was a much-needed respite and an opportunity to admire much of the wild and unmolested country from the luxurious comfort of a deck chair. I began most mornings by leisurely ambling the decks at first light, and despite my pious upbringing, I was not averse to sipping a couple of mint juleps in the afternoon. While this vessel was employed mainly in the hauling and disbursement of cargo and freight, no self-respecting riverboat refuses the patronage of paying passengers, and where one finds paying passengers with money, one finds others adept at acquiring it.

Every good riverboat offered a saloon and gambling establishment of some kind, where once the liquor had been applied and judgment sorely impaired, folks counted on luck they rarely enjoyed, to risk funds they didn’t have, in a high-stakes, no-holds-barred, poker misadventure. Occasionally, these games became high-spirited and spiraled downward until someone was inadvertently pierced by a derringer. These un-fortuitous events provided my earliest experience at removing pellets.

Copyright ©

Shannon Thomas Casebeer

Jackass Journal & Compendium of Universal Knowledge

 Jackass Journal & Compendium of Universal Knowledge

Episodes one through 9999, more or less

Unabridged, Unapologetic and in no Particular Order

PART ONE

HANGTOWN BOUND

MIAH'S ACCOUNT

In 1824, when I was but eleven years of age, my family and I boarded the good ship Abolis and left Belfast to sail for the storied shores of America. We arrived twenty-seven days later in the fall of that year, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Arriving all but penniless in a strange new land is not something I’d recommend to a friend. The crossing had been tedious and life-altering. We’d encountered numerous storms during which the ship pitched and rolled until very few came through unscathed. Along the way several had succumbed to a variety of maladies, and three weary souls had abandoned their beleaguered robes of flesh which were then sewn up in canvas and lowered into the sea.

Occasionally, a stifling calm would smother the sea breezes which provided our ship’s conveyance, leaving the old schooner rendered immobile for days at a time, with the sea placid as bath water and the canvas sails hanging limp as laundry. The very sight of the celebrated shores of America rendered the majority of passengers and crew prostrate on the old ship’s decks, praising God and weeping with relief.

During the interminably long days and nights at sea, we’d had a fabulous wealth of hours to contemplate our circumstances and try desperately to imagine some solution. None had presented themselves. Once ashore, our situation only grew more perilous. Our fears hadn’t done our grim predicament justice. The docks were crowded with all variety of similarly stunned immigrants, all desperate for some clue as to how to proceed. Once more, providence intervened. Alongside our vessel, equally stunned refugees from Germany were arriving. Unlike us, these weary souls found solace in the immediate intervention of dozens of members of a local church. The church of the brethren was well prepared for this influx of traumatized arrivals from their homeland.

We’d sat traumatized and speechless for some time, watching the proceedings when, for some reason known only to God, having been touched by the stifled lamentations of my bundle-bearing mother and the pitiful laments of my sobbing little sister, several of these compassionate church members gently loaded my traumatized family into a wagonload of their own exhausted brethren and, gently rocking in the crowded wagon, we set out for Germantown.

Arriving at long last in Germantown, after two days hard travel, we were led into the community center where, following some discussion by the church leaders, we were mercifully adopted into one of the German families already well-established in the area. The family consisted of the patriarch (a gentleman of around sixty years of age) his wife, eight children, and an incalculable number of towheaded grandchildren. The family raised crops and livestock on about 40 acres on the outskirts of town.

Communication was initially a challenge. We Scots, of course, spoke no German, and vice versa. Fortunately, several of us spoke a modicum of English. When all else fails, regardless of your location, one facial expression conveys a thousand words.

Fortunately for us, this family could well afford a few additional mouths to feed. As a result of our close proximity to the coast, seafood was plentiful and comparatively inexpensive. Within weeks, we’d settled into a routine and become productive members of our new extended family. The family raised crops and livestock, so there was no shortage of work through which we were able be productive and earn our keep. They had a huge number of pigs. While some abstain from pork for religious reasons, our German hosts had no such reservations; nor did we. Our hosts were big believers in the old saying, “waste not, want not”. When a pig was butchered, very little was discarded but the squeal. What wasn’t carved into ham, bacon, roasts, or chops, was pickled or ground into sausages or bratwurst.

Here, we thrived and passed the time, week by week, month by month, season by season, until half a dozen years had sped pleasantly away. Farm life suited us, and we were soon fat and sassy. We bonded thoroughly with our host family, and that bond strengthened exponentially when my little sister wed one of the grandsons.

Throughout these years, much of our time centered around church life. Much like the Mennonites and Quakers, The Church of the brethren placed their emphasis on nonviolence and benevolence. They took Christ’s teachings seriously, and followed the golden rule religiously, “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you”.

When I turned 18, I was sent away to medical school. Founded in 1765, The University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine was the first and only medical school in America’s original thirteen colonies. Students enrolled for anatomical lectures and a course on the theory and practice of physics. Here, I spent four blissful years, learning the basics of medicine and thoroughly enjoying the society of fellow students.

Home once again in Germantown following my education, I very much missed the challenge and gratifying camaraderie of school life. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the influence of these early years with the church, in conjunction with my years of medical training in Philadelphia, had set my feet on a path that would determine my course for many years to come.

In the spring of 1835, when I was but 22-two years of age, the cry of northbound geese seized my soul and left me melancholy and strangely ill at ease. In an effort to ease my undiagnosed ache, I determined to attend a barn dance downtown. Arriving at the festivities, my attention was instantly diverted by a Norwegian family whose vibrant apparel stood out in bright contrast to the solemn, black attire of the Germans. The household consisted of the mom, the dad, and a gaggle of petite, towheaded princesses.

Gertrude was a year or two my junior. She was fair, flamboyant, and flirtatious! I was instantly smitten! Summoning all my courage, hat in hand and heart pounding, I asked if she’d care to dance. She allowed as how she’d be absolutely delighted! We took the floor and danced and danced till the band went home and they showed us eventually to the door.

From that night forward, I thought of little else but my little darling, Gertie. After several weeks of what I believed to be a fledgling courtship, I arrived at her home one evening to find an unfamiliar rig parked in the yard. Inside the rig were Gertie and the son of a local banker. He was older than I, a good head taller, and obviously well off. He had a dandy buggy, a beautiful bay mare, and an attitude.

They were clearly preoccupied. Approaching the buggy, I requested a moment and escorted Gertie aside, intent on voicing my displeasure. Gertie was unmoved by my protestations. Her new suitor eventually dismounted his buggy, gave me a persuasive dusting with his hat, and suggested I bother them no further. Undeterred, I doubled my fist and gave him what I considered to be a pretty convincing thump on the chin. He was decidedly unimpressed. After receiving a good thrashing, I glared up from where I was taking a brief respite in the mud, to see Gertie and her new beau hand in hand and skipping off to meet the parents. Not wishing to humiliate the young couple further, I returned home.

Over the next several weeks, the cries of the migrating geese strengthened their hold on my naïve and youthful wanderlust. Early one morning, I endured a tearful parting with friends and family, collected my doctor’s bag, mounted my faithful steed, and set off to see the world. Suffice it to say, the world saw me coming and was prepared.

Copyright ©

Shannon Thomas Casebeer